Thursday, December 5, 2013

How Every Student Does Their Assignment

Hello, toasters!
So today I handed in my project I've been working on since September, and I'm genuinely buzzing with excitement.
Its either that or the two tubes of Pringles and six-pack of Diet Coke I've ingested over the past 12 hours or so. Either or.
So this past week I've been super busy- sorry for the lack of posts, but you know... I'm paying £8,600 a year for tuition, I may as well roll out of bed in the morning and try.
And by roll, I literally mean roll.
Boy, are all those Pringles coming back to haunt me now.
Like every student, I sort of procrastinated for the best part of 2 months, doing the occasional bit of work when absolutely necessary but nothing too tedious.
Instead, I decided to focus on the more important things in life, like buying new throw pillows and mastering the ancient art of cheese on toast.
I know right, pretty deep stuff.
But this got me thinking about how students do their projects, and looking around the room at hand-in, I noticed a pattern of vacant stares and yesterday's unchanged clothes.
So, I decided that whilst it's fresh in my mind, I'd go through the thought process of every student the night before a big hand in.
Here goes...

8.00pm- So I've got a long night ahead of me, with a slimmer chance of getting a 1st than the chance that Kim Kardashian will sort her life out. Better get some snacks, you know, for motivation.... yeah, motivation, that's it.
8.30pm- I'm a Celebrity is on, I've got plenty of time left, and I can DEFINITELY do work in the advert breaks.
10.00pm- Okay, so admittedly I didn't actually do any work during I'm a Celeb, but I had my sketchbook open on my lap, so I guess that's a step in the right direction
10.30pm- Right, need to find the perfect sound track to help me power through, lets take a quick look through my iPod
 11.00pm- Well, it looks like I don't have anything in my music library that will do. Time to look on YouTube for some music.
11.30pm- Oh look, a funny cat video!
12.00am- Oh God, I only have 8 hours left. Time to really knuckle down
12.05am- Phew, I've written 5 whole sentences, that definitely deserves a 10 minute break.
12.15am- Well before I can do anything, I need the right equipment. And who can do any sort of work without a nice sharp pencil?
1.00am- Alright, so that's all the pencils in a 5-mile radius sharpened to an OCD-level point, and organised in nice straight rows.
1.30am- Man, I could use a snack right now....
*remembers supply of processed crap enough to put an entire army into a coma*
Okay, so I'll just have one teensy tiny snack
2.00am- How the hell am I supposed to work with this huge food baby?! I think a quick power nap is necessary, just to get rid of it and re-energise me for work. Half an hour should do it, no more though!
4.00am- Why did I think getting into a warm bed was a good idea!?!? Now I have to sit in my room which has is colder than Piers Morgan's heart, and no amount of onesies will stop me shivering.
4.30am- 2,000 words, here we come. Okay Wikipedia, don't fail me now!
5.00am- Damn I'm going to need some references... I'm sure that book on Lucian Freud is around here somewhere, and he's always relevant. Essay on why pop culture is becoming an overpowering influence in society? Why, because women secretly want penises of course!
6.00am- I wonder if McDonalds start serving breakfast yet?
6.15am- Come on now, focus! How can I make the 1,200 words I have seem like a lot more? Time for some double-spacing and large font methinks.
6.45am- Okay, so here's last term's evaluation.... I'm sure if I just change a few choice words here and there it'll be fine. No one even reads these things anyway, right?
7.00am- Time to attempt to make this jittering wreck of a person presentable... enough to walk to uni, grunt hellos and dump my suspiciously large-fonted work into a box.

I don't know about you, but that last bit never works for me. I always look like a car crash, and its always a 50/50 chance as to whether or not I'm still wearing a pajama top.
I even have a pair on 'mum' jeans that I wear to each hand in without fail, they're just so.... understanding.
So for those of you who still have your hand-ins to go, I wish you the best of luck.
As for me, I'll be hibernating and playing on the Sims 2 for a month.
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