Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Drunk thoughts...

Hello, toasters!
Hold on a second, I need to plug in my laptop as it's just told me I have '7 minutes of battery life left' AKA 'plug me in now bitch, you have 5 seconds'.
7 minutes my arse.
Drunk selfie is drunk. Go home, drunk selfie.
So tonight I went out with my friends from college, and it was great!
Although, I did end up drinking those awful VK drinks (the blue ones that almost exactly match the colour- and taste- of the stuff you put in the toilet) because they were on offer.
I feel like my mother, buying stuff I don't particularly want/ need just because it's on offer.
I don't know if it's technically a part of the human condition, but there's something about a 3-for-£5 offer that always gets me.
And now I have a blue tongue.
So, as I was sat in the pub, feeling fourteen again  with my luminous drinks, I got drunk. I don't know how, because no one ever gets drunk on alcopops- even though we all pretended when we sent that 'oops, that was meant for someone else' text to our crush even though we all know what you are up to, you are literally being as subtle as a gun.
But hopefully you cant tell how intoxicated I am from my grammar, but that's probably owing to the spell checker (God bless the spell checker!) more than anything else.
I've already used spell check more times than I would in an essay for just these few paragraphs.
Whilst I was in the car home, trying desperately to seem less drunk than I was, I couldn't help but question the meaning of life, which progressed naturally, to an internal debate about video games.
Why, in a world such as this, do we spend far more time playing QWOP than doing useful stuff like phoning grandparents and discovering where the fuck those scissors have disappeared to AGAIN?
It certainly cant be because it's easier. I find it far less painful to have a chat with a pensioner than to try and spasm my way to a non-negative score.
For those of you who haven't played QWOP, you need to re-evaluate your life.
Or Google it. Because, as we all know, Googling something is an alternative to actually doing something.
That's another thought... Google.
Now, we all love Google, and if it shut down we wouldn't know what to do. Especially with it's closest competitor being Bing.
(I love the fact that the most searched for thing on Bing is Google, and I wonder how many CEOs of Bing cry themselves to sleep at night over this fact)
But, as we all love Google, why does everyone seem to hate Google+ so much?
Yes, it was essentially forced on us through YouTube etc. but it's not so bad.
It's basically like Facebook, with more interesting groups stuff, less random people from Slovakia adding you and less annoying 'Your Mum' pages we haven't unliked yet from 4 years ago.
Oh, I hate those pages!
Remember when it was really cool to like all those pages with funny names?
Yeah, not so funny now.
I STILL get random posts from the occasional one in my newsfeed.
I should really get to bed now, and leave my liver to have a panic attack at my drinking three times more units than I should have.
I'm sorry, liver.
Wow, and now I'm talking to an internal organ.
New low-point reached? Check.
Until next time, toasters!
P.S. Only 6 more sleeps to go until Christmas!

No comments:

Post a Comment