Showing posts with label my opinion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my opinion. Show all posts

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Drunk Thoughts 2

Hello, toasters!
So yes, due to the events of this evening, I find myself intoxicated yet again.
By 'events', I mean the casual suggestion of an after-dinner drink at home, which was followed by 5 hours of hardcore cocktail drinking.
And by 'hardcore cocktail', I mean the Apple Sourz mixer that tastes SO BAD that I got for Christmas, and I figured that I may as well drink it whilst drunk, so that I wouldn't be able to register how bad it tastes.

Sorry, no illustration today- I'm definitely not in a fit state to even attempt picking up a pen.
However, I hope you enjoy this photograph, which I took whilst on holiday...
and it kind of links to my alcohol theme... right?!
So here is a list of embarrassing things that I have done this evening, that I definitely would not have done if it weren't for the alcohol coursing through my veins:

  • I may have tried to fit six full-sized Oreo cookies into my mouth at the same time.
  • I may have made a friend of mine who has recently come out as being a lesbian touch my boobs to fell how bouncy they are.
  • I may have set my housemate's wallpaper photo as a graphic image of gay porn.

So really, for me, that isn't too bad at all!
Now I don't want you guys to think that I'm a raving alcoholic- whilst I may enjoy a drink or two, I rarely go out, instead preferring the comfort of Netflix and a duvet.
But I thought, as I am slightly inebriated, I may as well make another 'drunk reflections on life' post, which I can cringe at tomorrow when I wake up.
Here goes nothing...

Why is it so difficult to use an umbrella?
I'm talking about when it's properly raining, with hurricane-esque winds to match... no-one ever prepares you for the difficulty of this task, for how many umbrellas you will disfigure on your travels.
And another thing that makes umbrella use impossible for the overly-polite Brit is umbrella etiquette.
If I am walking towards someone who is also using an umbrella on a slim pavement, what is the accepted procedure? 
We end up doing the trying-to-dodge-each-other pavement dance, which is made infinitely worse by the fact that the umbrellas get tangled up with each other.
Unwritten British law states that you cannot interact with a stranger in public for more than 15 seconds without having to get engaged, married, and raise at least two children named after biblical characters.

On Christmas, why do loads of random relatives that I've never heard of suddenly appear? 
Surely it's cheaper to make contact when it's not the holiday season, so we don't feel pressured into buying each other bath salts that we wrap in cellophane to disguise the fact that zero effort went into the gift.
Long lost Auntie makes contact in July? 
Cool, we should go to the beach together sometime.
Long lost Auntie makes contact in late November?
Better buy her some chocolates and hope she isn't lactose intolerant.

'Dogs are basically cats with an attention-seeking complex.' -Sammie
As a cat lover, and academic, I can say that the above statement is completely true. 
Dogs need walks, whereas cats take the initiative and entertain themselves for the day, like functioning members of society.
Dogs, however, need haircuts, walks and specialist toys, which mostly get buried in your new flowerbed of roses.
If a child did that as a token of thanks for free lodging in your home, you'd put them in care.
Don't even pretend you wouldn't. 

So, dear toasters, (and all of those people that have stumbled across my website and wonder why I am referring to you as a kitchen appliance) I will leave you with this old photograph I have just this minute found on my hard drive.
Katniss Everdeen, eat your heart out.

Disclaimer: If my sister Gina gets chosen in the reaping, I will not volunteer
as tribute. She's a little git.

Sammie
xoxo


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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Drunk thoughts...

Hello, toasters!
Hold on a second, I need to plug in my laptop as it's just told me I have '7 minutes of battery life left' AKA 'plug me in now bitch, you have 5 seconds'.
7 minutes my arse.
Drunk selfie is drunk. Go home, drunk selfie.
So tonight I went out with my friends from college, and it was great!
Although, I did end up drinking those awful VK drinks (the blue ones that almost exactly match the colour- and taste- of the stuff you put in the toilet) because they were on offer.
I feel like my mother, buying stuff I don't particularly want/ need just because it's on offer.
I don't know if it's technically a part of the human condition, but there's something about a 3-for-£5 offer that always gets me.
And now I have a blue tongue.
 
So, as I was sat in the pub, feeling fourteen again  with my luminous drinks, I got drunk. I don't know how, because no one ever gets drunk on alcopops- even though we all pretended when we sent that 'oops, that was meant for someone else' text to our crush even though we all know what you are up to, you are literally being as subtle as a gun.
But hopefully you cant tell how intoxicated I am from my grammar, but that's probably owing to the spell checker (God bless the spell checker!) more than anything else.
I've already used spell check more times than I would in an essay for just these few paragraphs.
Help.
 
Whilst I was in the car home, trying desperately to seem less drunk than I was, I couldn't help but question the meaning of life, which progressed naturally, to an internal debate about video games.
Why, in a world such as this, do we spend far more time playing QWOP than doing useful stuff like phoning grandparents and discovering where the fuck those scissors have disappeared to AGAIN?
It certainly cant be because it's easier. I find it far less painful to have a chat with a pensioner than to try and spasm my way to a non-negative score.
For those of you who haven't played QWOP, you need to re-evaluate your life.
Or Google it. Because, as we all know, Googling something is an alternative to actually doing something.
 
That's another thought... Google.
Now, we all love Google, and if it shut down we wouldn't know what to do. Especially with it's closest competitor being Bing.
(I love the fact that the most searched for thing on Bing is Google, and I wonder how many CEOs of Bing cry themselves to sleep at night over this fact)
But, as we all love Google, why does everyone seem to hate Google+ so much?
Yes, it was essentially forced on us through YouTube etc. but it's not so bad.
It's basically like Facebook, with more interesting groups stuff, less random people from Slovakia adding you and less annoying 'Your Mum' pages we haven't unliked yet from 4 years ago.
Oh, I hate those pages!
Remember when it was really cool to like all those pages with funny names?
Yeah, not so funny now.
I STILL get random posts from the occasional one in my newsfeed.
 
I should really get to bed now, and leave my liver to have a panic attack at my drinking three times more units than I should have.
I'm sorry, liver.
Wow, and now I'm talking to an internal organ.
New low-point reached? Check.
Until next time, toasters!
Sammie
xoxo
 
P.S. Only 6 more sleeps to go until Christmas!
 

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Adjusting to life as a student

Hello, toasters!

I'm about a month deep into my second year of uni.
Especially since moving back into my family home for 4 months over summer, I have realised some of the things that make student life... well, studenty.

One thing you never have to think about when merrily living at home is doing the shopping.
I never realised how expensive cheese was!
And yes, you can get the £1 'cheese' from Iceland, but its so rubbery that if you drop it, it will bounce back up and punch you in the face.

Never before have I been quite so precious about nectar points.
So what if I only spent £1.27?
I need those points!
It's seriously becoming a problem- like as if I'm addicted to drugs.
The other day I spent £2.50 in Sainsbury's, walked halfway home before I realised I hadn't collected my points, and went back to get them!
What is my life turning into?!?!
And then, when you get home, you have to try and fit everything into your one little freezer drawer.
I can definitely say, that I have become a master of this.
It's like an expert game of Tetris in my freezer drawer.
Life Skill = Gained. Thanks, University.

Whilst I love my house, you do have to get used to some really odd combinations of mis-matched furniture.
In my living room for example, we have two sofas- one a forest green and one a brilliant red that makes your eyes hurt if you look at it in daylight.
I know that's not really a huge sticking point, but it does make you appreciate the purposefully styled rooms at your family home when you go back.

One thing I have learnt about myself is that I'm actually a pretty good cook!
(See a recent post here that has one of my recipes)
This came as a huge shock to everyone, as before my Dad used to joke that I could burn water.
But no, I actually buy fresh ingredients, combine them in interesting ways and I have never, ever eaten a pot noodle.
The worst thing that happened to me kitchen-wise was my very first attempt to cook when I first moved in as a fresher.
I was cooking a pizza (very simple, I know) and so I just put it in the oven and waited.
There were only two problems to this plan...
1. Our oven has no temperature markings. You turn the dial, but the markings have long since rubbed off. So, to start with, it was like a fun game. I think I must have turned it around to what I believe is about 300 degrees that night.
2. After I put the pizza into what must have been a furnace, I became distracted. I can't remember what I was distracted by, but as I am an art student, it was probably something like a butterfly or my own boobs.
So when I eventually remembered I was cooking something (probably about 40 minutes later) it came out looking pretty burnt.
And by pretty burnt, I mean 100x more burnt than the stereotypical English guy who falls asleep on holiday in Spain in the sun all day and has to go around looking like a tomato for 3 months after.
So if having a pizza that was blacker than a politicians heart wasn't bad enough, I only went and dropped it on the floor!
I think I may have cried at this point. Or again, became distracted by my own boobs.
I just know that I definitely missed the 3-second-rule time limit.
But still, I was just so hungry, I picked it up and ate the bits that were still recognisable as a pizza.
This, dear toasters, is a fact I am not proud of, so please don't judge me!

Doing the washing is also something that gets me.
Because my laundry basket is only being filled by me, it takes a long time to get full.
And even when it is full, you do the same thing you do with the bins and squash it all down so it will last a little longer.
So I'd say that wash day only comes up every 2 weeks.
But when it does come up, I do 5 washes (1 white, 2 colours, 2 black washes) in a row and EVERYTHING is hung out to dry in my room.
So for about 2 or 3 days, I cant move in my own room, it becomes a rainforest of clothing.
Sometimes, its kinda cool.
I can make a slightly-damp blanket fort out of the set of sheets I've washed and hide away from the outside world and the concept of 'doing work'.

I will leave you on this note- Internet shopping is your best friend and your worst enemy rolled into one!
Yes, you can get some amazing deals that make your life (and bank balance) so much better.
But, be warned.
The other day, I went through my Ebay purchase history and realised quite how much stuff I had bought.
And by stuff, I mean things that I love, but if I'm being very honest with myself, it could be classed as 'crap I don't need'.
For example, today my Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends DVD came in the post!
Now don't get me wrong- I loved this show!
But if I'm honest, the £3 I paid for this could have been spent on something a little more nessecary. Like stationary. Or a subway.

Oooooh, I want a subway now!

So my question to you all is this: What have you found to be the hardest thing about adjusting to student life? Let me know in the comments!
And don't forget to subscribe if you like my content, so you'll be notified when I post more :)
Sammie
xoxo


Thursday, October 10, 2013

Why men have it easier than women every single day


Hello, toasters!
So yes, I am discussing a topic older than Bruce Forsyth himself, the age-old battle of the sexes.
Now, I may be a little biased in this argument, as I am, in fact, a girl.
Yes, I have boobs that jiggle and I can occasionally push small human beings out of a certain orifice. Not that that's happened to me in particular, but I do enjoy watching and laughing at the rednecks on 16 & Pregnant, so I know roughly how it works.
But I'm not going to write a classic 'we have to go through cramp and childbirth' post just to win by default.
Nope, I'm going to be talking about all those little things that happen every single day, that make a guys life so much easier than a girls.

First up- Guys don't have to shell out money for feminine hygiene products despite the hideous adverts that make you go into a cringe coma for three days solid.
We all know the ones I mean... I don't think I've ever seen one that makes me actually want to buy the product. And the worst thing is, I know that my purchase is going towards their profit, which will be spent on more horrific adverts.
No, please don't make a tampon fly through the sky, that doesn't actually prove anything.
And for crying out loud, don't give it a face and make it sing.
JUST STOP. NOW. ALL OF YOU.
Now I'm not saying that they should change their tune completely and start making Sensodyne-esqe commercials. That would manage to be even worse.
My suggestion is to just stop the adverts completely.
We're going to buy the product anyway. We don't really have a choice.
So why do these companies need to spend loads on advertising where they turn a pad into a flower?

Secondly, men can fart in public and not have to automatically blame it on a squeaky chair.
Girls are just expected to be beautiful, mystical creatures all the time.
But come on, even a unicorn has to let one out at some point, right?
Now I don't know about you, but I didn't sign up for this debutante stuff. I don't particularly care which hand I hold my knife and fork in, or if my posture is bolt upright at all times.
Do you know how painful it is to hold in a fart?!
It kills!
But I'd definitely say I've mastered the art. I've been with Dan 8 months now and I've only ever let one out about 3 or 4 times. I'm pretty proud of that.
(Apparently you fart loads in your sleep, but I can't say about that)
When I was younger, I used to think that farting was brilliant. We'd used to have competitions and everything.
Where did that go? I miss sitting in a bath with your friend and making it a Jacuzzi.

Number three- men's clothing is far better suited to rolling-out-of-bed-and-heading-out days. Which I have often.
On the whole, I think women's clothing is far more interesting than mens.
Everything is less blocky, and more fluid.
But for dressing down, you cannot argue that guys have it easier.
Bra's are fiddly, tights have a tendency to shred to pieces as soon as you touch them, and don't even get me started on accessories.
They can just throw on some trousers, a top, and a hoodie, and it nearly always matches.
(There are exceptions, of course)
They also don't have to bother with hair and make up like we do... they're allowed to have a 'natural, rugged look'.
If I had a natural, rugged look, people would start offering me their change as I walked down the street.

Last, but not least- when it comes to romantic language, men are far easier to interpret.
I mean, come on, guys can do the extremely-old yet extremely-effective 'Gentleman' routine.
Namely- be polite, compliment us, and don't be a tool.
It really is that simple!
And this courtship technique has been around for years, meaning guys have had decades to get familiar with it.
With girls, we can't use the same flirting techniques our ancestors had.
Oh, excuse me whilst I drop my handkerchief daintily and cheekily flash my ankles.
We have to find new, innovative ways of communicating our interest, and most of them don't even work.
I mean, there's a reason why the stereotypical girl is hard to understand.
Maybe I need to stock up on handkerchiefs after all...

So those are some things that I believe make a guy's day a little easier than mine.
Of course, there is a flip side to this....
  • We're not expected to be good drivers- in fact, it's the opposite
  • We can chat to small children and be 'caring', where most guys in the same situation would look somewhat in need of psychoanalysing
  • We don't have to pay on the first date (it goes downhill from there though...)
  • We can follow fashion without having our motives questioned
  • On girls... bunny slippers are always appropriate

I know there's probably a huuuuuge amount of feminist writings on this subject, but I thought I'd offer up my own humble opinion.
See you soon,
Sammie
xoxo

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Top 10 things to do in New York

Hello, toasters!
I've just come back from a week-long break in New York with my Grandma, which was a huge life experience which I will never, ever forget.


Me and Mary at the top of the Empire State building

One thing that no one ever tells you is quite how big the big apple really is.
Everywhere you go, on every street corner, is something new and exciting that takes your breath away.
Except in Harlem.
In Harlem, every street corner holds a gang ready to take your money away.
(cue the torrent of abuse that will undoubtedly rain down on me for that statement)

Moving on...
Today I want to write about the Top 10 things to do in NYC
I mainly wanted to write this post because most of the articles I found online were either by companies trying to ultimately sell you their attraction, or just simple bullet point lists that didn't offer too much information.

So here is, in my opinion, the Top 10 things to do in New York City:

1. Walk around Central Park
Resting bang in the middle of Manhattan is Central Park. The really strange thing is how one minute you are standing beside skyscrapers in a bustling street, and the next you are in a tranquil, picture-perfect postcard. Personally, I usually avoid gardens and public parks, but I'd definitely recommend visiting this one- it's just so bizarrely peaceful. The most popular places there are in the southern half of the park (below the great reservoir) and I'd definitely advise you visit Belvedere Castle, the turtle pond, and the Mall- a walkway which you'll recognise from countless films. Unless you're a huge Beatles fan, I wouldn't go to the Strawberry Fields John Lennon memorial, because it really is just a simple mosaic on the floor, and the rest of the park has much more impressive sights.

2. Visit The MoMA
While I was in New York, I visited several galleries, including the Met and the Guggenheim. Whilst the Met was awesomely expansive (holding 2 million pieces) and the Guggenheim had some of the most astounding architecture (the building itself is a work of art and puts every piece it houses to shame), I found I enjoyed the MoMA best of all.
It was clearly being constantly updated to keep things fresh and interesting, and had 6 floors of galleries which covered everything from abstract installation work to Pop art.
One of the things I liked most was that I got to see some of the world's most famous paintings, including Monet's waterlilies, Salvador Dali's melting clock piece, Andy Warhol's Campbell's soup prints and Van Gogh's Starry Night. I always find seeing famous artwork in the flesh completely changes your preconception of it, so it really is worth a visit, especially for those with an existing interest in modern art.

3. John's Pizzeria
Found on 260 West 44th Street is America's largest (and possibly tastiest!) pizzeria. It's in what used to be a church, but has now been altered to fit 500 guests for dinner. You may have to wait about 20 minutes at the bar for a table, but its well worth it. While you wait, you can see the two old-fashioned brick ovens that cook the pizzas, and the chefs spinning the dough and adding the fresh ingredients to your liking. The pizzas taste indescribably good, and its pretty easy on the wallet too. Including tip, a large pizza and 3 or 4 drinks cost about $25-30.

4. Broadway Theatre
Whilst in NYC, you must do at least one Broadway show. It's popular for a reason, right? Right!
For many of the big shows you can pay up to $150 for a good seat, but there are half-price ticket booths and off-Broadway shows that cost less.
While we were there, we saw Pippin and Kinky Boots. Kinky Boots was really good, with witty music written by Cyndi Lauper, but Pippin was by far my favourite, and is now one of my favourite shows I have ever seen. As a costume design student, I've seen quite a lot of shows, so that's saying quite a bit!
Imagine the best acrobatics you've seen, and some of the best acting performances, and throw in some really catchy original songs and funny moments that has the audience in stitches for a good few minutes,  and you've got Pippin.
I was unsure before I saw it, as I hadn't heard too much about it, but now I just cant wait to see if they bring it to the UK.
My main piece of advice for deciding what show to see, is to not see something that's available in your own country. Why see America's version of Mamma Mia! when its available in London?

5. Going up Skyscrapers
I was lucky enough to go up to the top observation decks of two different buildings, as we had the New York Pass. I'd definitely recommend it, because it grants you free admission to many landmarks, galleries and boat tours. In fact, a lot of what we did in New York was due to the New York Pass.
We decided to go the Empire State building on our 2nd day, and we went quite early to avoid large amounts of people. There's a saying at the Empire State building- 'go early, go late, or be prepared to wait'- and it's definitely worth getting up a little earlier, because as well as missing queues, it means that less people are up on the observation deck, crowding your view.
We also went to the Top of the Rock (the Rockerfeller Centre) at night, to see the city in a completely different light, literally.
The last elevator up was at 11pm, and even the lift up was amazing as the elevator had a glass roof, so you could see the floors you were hurtling past.
I'd say it was really good going at two completely different times of day, as NYC seems to change completely between night and day.

6. Discovery Times Square
This is something a little different from the others- its an exhibition space which features many different types of shows. We had a choice between Body Worlds- an exhibition showcasing donated bodies that had been preserved via plastination, or The Art of the Brick. We chose the latter, as we had just eaten and didn't particularly feel like staring at fleshless bodies.
The Art of the Brick was an interesting and innovative exhibition featuring the works of Nathan Sawaya. Absolutely everything was made from Lego bricks, and it was fascinating to see how a simple child's toy could become such a complex work of art.

7. Sightseeing Cruise
We chose the NY Water Taxi as we could hop-on and hop-off all day, but there are loads to choose from. Most of the tours are about 90 minutes long and have a tour guide to tell you all about the city and it's surrounding Boroughs. It's fantastic to see Manhattan from the water, as you get to view many uninterrupted angles of the epic skyline. Most cruises also sail past the Statue of Liberty, and gives you the perfect photo opportunity. Did you know that the Statue of Liberty was a gift from France, and arrived in thousands of pieces? This was incredibly problematic, as the U.S. didn't have enough money to put it together, and almost had to send it back. However, fundraising took off due to a local newspaper printing the names of every donor on their front page, and it raised $102,000 so the project could go forward.

8. The 9/11 Reflecting Pools Memorial
It really goes without saying that this memorial is something you cannot miss. What struck me was the sheer vastness of the waterfalls, and it really showed you how big the towers must have been. Even just walking around each of the pools took a good 5 minutes.
Another thing you notice straight away is the care and dedication that has been put into making the memorial utterly beautiful and thoughtful,  saving it from being just another tacky tourist destination.

9. Dylan's Candy Bar
A complete haven for everyone with a sweet tooth, Dylan's candy bar offers three floors of mouth-watering goodies. From freshly made fudge, to bacon flavoured chocolate, to giant gummy bears, this shop really is the motherlode of candy stores. Upstairs is an ice cream bar, but most interestingly, an actual bar, serving alcoholic drinks with a sugary twist. I was gutted that I couldn't try any of them (the drinking age in America is 21) but I have been told that they are amazing.
Another great thing about Dylan's, is that their prices are really quite reasonable. And in New York, everything seems to be really expensive (thanks very much, Mr. exchange rate). So it makes this shop a great place to pick up some quirky and delicious gifts to take home that wont break the bank!

10. Stand in Times Square for 15 minutes
They say that if you stand in Times Square for 15 minutes, you'll see someone you know. Or at least, a doppelganger of someone you know. But the reason that this is on my list is because, despite all of the art galleries and amazing restaurants, what makes New York so special is the street life. Everyone is so friendly, and interesting, and bizarre, and the more you stop and just look around, the more you understand why so many songs have been written about the city. In Times Square, the hundreds of screens are completely mesmerising, set against the dizzying heights of the buildings behind them.
So my final thing I advise you to do in New York, is to open your eyes.
Take a look around, explore!
It's a beautifully busy melting pot of cultures and colours, and it needs time to be appreciated.


So there it is, my list of the Top 10 things to do in New York!
I hope you've found it useful and interesting, and if you have anything to add, please let me know!
See you soon,
Sammie
xoxo

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Why I hate Student Finance England & what I would do to them if I had the chance...

So I am an art student, entering into my second year at University.
Or, at least, I hope I will be.
Because, although I have achieved very respectable grades, I might not be let back in.
Why, you might ask?
Well lets turn to Student Finance England for that one.
It turns out these assholes haven't processed my application yet. Not any one of the three applications that I have sent them, over the course of several months. And I need to sort my tuition fee payments before I can re-enrol.

So as I was having a delightful discussion with one of their employees on the phone today (by 'delightful', I mean not at all useful and almost impossible to understand due to his thick Irish accent), you can imagine my delight at being told vague answers to quite straight forward applications.
Me: 'When will I know about the status of my application?'
SFE: 'Every application is different. It could be fourty milliseconds, it could be three lightyears from now'
Me: 'Have you even received my application? I sent the last one more than three weeks ago by recorded delivery'
SFE :'Everything we receive by post takes up to 10 days to be scanned into the system. I have no record of it being in the system'
Me: 'But I sent it more than twenty one days ago'
SFE: 'Oh look, a butterfly'
*Student Finance England then hangs up on me*
Absolutely. Freaking. Delightful.

What I don't understand is how clearly understaffed they are.
What, they can't hire a few more people to scan in postal orders, or look through forms to see that everything is in check?
Yes, I know that students are a large demographic, but seriously? It's not like you can pretend to be surprised by these numbers
You do the same thing year in year out.
Hasn't one person in the company got the common sense to think hmmm, it's only Frank and Bob down there, scanning in the entire student populations' application forms, maybe we should hire a couple more people to help.
10 days to literally just scan a few pages?! Is that a joke?

Take a minute to think about it... have you ever actually known anyone, anyone at all, that has had a good experience with this company?
.....
well?
I bet the answer is no.
Student Finance England: Forever screwing people over from possibly the most financially vulnerable demographic there is.

And another thing that makes this whole situation even more unbearable?
When I go on to their website, they proudly announce the launch of their new student finance magazine!
So instead of actually getting work done, you've been pissing around releasing a magazine that no-one will ever read unless they are stuck on a desert island, and it's the only piece of literature available. And maybe not even then.
Cheers for that, SFE.

So here is a list of what I would do to the Student Finance England company, had I the chance:
  1. I would lock them in a room with Keith Lemon and Janet Street-Porter.
  2. I would spend my entire maintenance loan- if it ever arrives- on cooking oil. I would boil said oil, and then dip each member of staff in. (I realise this one is a bit dark, but then again, I'm pretty angry and upset right now)
  3. I would superglue headphones to their ears and put 'Friday' on repeat.
  4. I would enter them into the Hunger Games
  5. I would visit their offices, and glue everything to the ceiling- chairs, desks, papers and all (Just like the monkeys did in Roald Dahl's The Twits)
  6. I would leave them on the edge of outer space.
  7. I would make them sit through Gordon Brown reading the whole of the Old Testament, and every time they fell asleep, they'd lose a finger. 
  8. I would drop them in North Korea with an important-looking briefcase containing documents written in code.
  9. I would attach them to Jedward, one on each hip.
  10. I would make them go back to University, and apply for a loan through their own system.
Okay, rant over.
And I've got to say, I feel a little better already.
Next time, I promise I'll be more upbeat!
I just seriously needed to get that off my chest
See you next time,
Sammie
xoxo
P.S. If you hate them as much as I do, take a look at the Board members page on their website. I think this is good for a couple of reasons...
1. It helps direct your anger.
2. I found slight relief in laughing at their awful photographs, mainly because two thirds of them look like the socially-awkward guests at a barbeque. The ones where the other guests spend well over an hour debating if they'll ever get laid, and if there's any truth in the claim they have an Oedipus complex.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

My thoughts on tattoos...

Hello, toasters!
As an art student (or, in fact, any student), the decision to modify yourself is ever at the fore-front of your mind.
Now please don't think of me as vain- we art students also need to spend time filling our heads with whimsical things revolving around the topics of nature, whether or not hippy trousers are really a good idea due to their lack of pockets and the meaning of life in general.
Oh, and spaghetti hoops. They cross my mind surprisingly often.
But one thing everyone seems to talk about at art school (besides how we can't afford anything) is body art.
Now I'm classing body art as anything from piercings to dyed hair to tattoos.
I am definitely not classing Lady Gaga-style face and shoulder implants under body 'art'.
That just seems like the combination of a lot of vodka and her insatiable need to be in the public eye.

Now while there is a reasonably high chance I'll ask why on earth did you get that engraved upon your body?, on the whole, I like tattoos.
Let me re-phrase that....
I like tattoos. On other people.
I guess I like tribal-style patterns best.
What I don't like so much is the bullshit reasoning surrounding the tattoo. The way that to a heck of a lot of people, it has to be meaningful.
Meaningful? How, exactly, can a glorified doodle etched into your skin be meaningful?
Yes, you can write the names of your children over your heart, but does nobody ever think of this from the child's point of view? I know I'd find it weird if I were permanently written on my parents flesh.
And what if, 20 years after 'Amelia-Grace' has been proudly tattooed onto her Dad's forearm, Amelia-Grace has a sex change and insists on being called Andrew?
What happens then?!?
I think that most people like a design, then feel pressured to come up with some deep and all-powerful meaning to justify it.
Why?
It's your body! Own it!
If you have a floral motif on your ankle, don't come up with something vague to do with how it 'represents' nature or something equally as 'meaningful'.
Don't be that guy.
You know what would be refreshing?
If someone just went 'Yeah, I like flowers and I got it because I just really wanted this particular design on my ankle/ insert body part here'. No random arty-farty mumbo jumbo.
I would respect that guy.

That said, I don't think that a tattoo should be a snap decision.
Although laser removal means that tattoos don't have to be as permanent nowadays, you want it to be something that you wont cringe at every time you look in the mirror.
You know, something that will look good when the wrinkles set in.
We all have that friend who desperately wants a tattoo, yet is like a kid in a sweet shop when it comes to picking a design.
They usually have a folder on their PC with about 50+ different ideas that they cant decide between, and there seems to be a new favourite every week.
These are the people, in my humble opinion, who should not get a tattoo.
Well, at least not yet.
While I don't think that a tattoo needs to be some life-changing, epiphany-inducing work of art, I think that the basic rule of thumb is that you need to have your heart set on one design, and know exactly what you want, for at least 6 months before taking the plunge.
No-one is going to love you if you have YOLO emblazoned across your forehead in six months from now.
In fact, not even right now.
Like Crocs, YOLO has had its time.
Move on, bro.

Something that I think should be avoided at all costs is getting a tattoo of someone's face.
Why would you want that?
For starters, they almost all look wonky/ have a lazy eye/ the person looks like they haven't quite sobered up from the night before.
Secondly, (and most importantly) YOU HAVE ANOTHER FACE ON YOUR BODY.
Whether it be on your arm, your back, whatever- you still have another person staring out from your flesh.
You've basically turned yourself into a two headed monster.
Does nobody else find this creepy?!

I realise that this rather long post seems very anti-ink. The truth is that I really like tattoos, and although I wouldn't really get one myself (I'm a wimp when it comes to needles) I can appreciate some awesome design work when I see it.
I am an art student after all.

Sammie
xoxo