Sunday, April 21, 2013

101 Ways to Procrastinate

Upon first glance, you would think that the list below is merely a list.
Oh no, how wrong you are.
You see, it is much, much more than a list. It's a challenge, and a battle plan.
And, if were being pedantic, yes, it is still technically just a list but let's move on...

I, Sammie Lovatt, propose to do all of these with photographic evidence within a year. I understand that I am not allowed to explain to confused members of the public what I am doing, no matter how awkward the situation, or I am to re-start the entrie list.

So, that's my plan of action :) i'll be posting my progress up on here..... should keep me from doing actual work for a little while...

So, without further ado, here is my definitive list of 100 Ways to Procrastinate!
  1.  Turn on the internet. Obviously.
  2.  Organise your lingerie draw.
  3.  Run a bath, sit in the shower end, and run the shower so that it 'rains' on you.
  4.  Run a bath and organise a rubber duck war.
  5.  Run a bath and become a raisin.
  6.  See how long you can watch Mudkip 10 hours for- my record is a whole hour which I completed with 2 of my housemates. I am weirdly proud of that feat.
  7. Build a card house, but use custard cream biscuits instead- it can be done!
  8. Make bath jelly (with extra sparkles!)
  9. Watch a million episodes of Ace of Cakes, attempt to make an amazing cake and fail miserably.
  10. Download The Croods game and get addictive- we've already lost Beth.
  11. Spend an entire day as a white middle class male who thinks he's an african american rapper... you know the ones i mean.... they usually wear baggy white tee shirts and say 'blud' a lot.
  12. Organise a scavenger hunt.
  13. Print out pictures of Nicholas Cage and hide them around the house.
  14. Make a doll of yourself and friends! Proceed to then either make them outfits and play nicely or stick pins in them. I'd say the former option is more thoughtful...
  15. Tie dye tee-shirts! In fact, tie-dye EVERYTHING!
  16. Familiarise yourself with the very heart of the internet- cute kitten videos.
  17. Learn a Disney Song in French.
  18. Apply makeup to transform yourself into the opposite gender.
  19. Watch an entire series in a day.
  20. Actually stop and chat to the guys that try to sign you up to Netflix at the shopping centre.
  21. Draw a moustache on your finger, hold it up to your face and say everything in a French accent.
  22. Make a fort in the living room... you can never get too old for this.
  23. Pretend that the floor is lava, so you need to stay off the ground. (You could combine this one with #22)
  24. Recreate famous paintings in photographs with yourself as the subject.
  25. Draw faces on each fingertip and act out a puppet show.
  26. Come up with a new Yo Momma joke.
  27. Watch that film you've never really felt inspired to watch even though you know you'll like it.
  28. Fill a vodka bottle with water and walk down the street drinking it.
  29. If you're feeling hardcore, do the previous but walking around Mothercare.
  30. Play Drunk Monopoly.
  31. Find a way to make custard creams better, so that they don't fall apart so easily!
  32. Take a friend (or, if you're lucky to have more than one friend, take more) and go get some silly photobooth pictures taken.
  33. Feed a hobo.
  34. Buy a Big Issue for once.
  35. Play 'Bogies' in a public library.
  36. Actually eat the side salad next to the burger!
  37. Take a photo with a stranger with a beard.
  38. Go gay clubbing and have a fabulous time, darling.
  39. Buy googly eyes and stick them on household objects.
  40. Name said household objects.
  41. Do the milk thing in the supermarket and feel like a bad person.
  42. Be a ninja and try not to be seen in a public place.
  43. Walk around with your own 'theme song' blasting out.
  44. Make a list of 101 ways to procrastinate that aren't really possible- ie. Find Atlantis.
  45. Do someone else's work.
  46. Subtly move/ alter someone's furniture over a period of a few weeks.
  47. Snail races!!
  48. Make friendship bracelets
  49. Find a pet shop and spend a day making friends with one of the animals.
  50. Make a scrapbook of memories.
  51. Make one amazing meal for at least four people, completely from scratch.
  52. Make a pie chart out of actual pie. Then eat it.
  53. Be a pen pal to a lonely pensioner.
  54. Narrate everything for a whole day.
  55. Cast a friendship spell.
  56. Play & watch Yu-Gi-Oh! and get obsessed.
  57. Have a BBQ on the beach.
  58. Stay awake for 24 hours & see how many things from this list you can achieve.
  59. Keep a tamagotchi alive for more than 3 days.
  60. Try a craaazy new hairstyle, or wear a wig (that shit cray)
  61. Make a Sims family of evil people in the world (Hitler, Keith Lemon etc.) and kill them in creative ways.
  62. Photoshop- swap your friends' faces in various photographs.
  63. Subscribe to Sammie on Toast! (and i'll love you forever)
  64. Compare chocolate bars. And I mean go the whole hog and make a spreadsheet and everything
  65. Visit an aquarium
  66. Have a picnic in a really unusual place.
  67. Complete the Bloons Tower Defence game on difficult
  68. Make a Sims family, have a baby and play long enough to watch it grow old and die with no breaks
  69. Make smores
  70. Hug random pieces of furniture in a public place and see how long it takes for anyone to notice.
  71. Pick up random objects with your elbows
  72. Draw a self portrait by putting the pen between your teeth, and put the result as your facebook profile picture without explaining.
  73. Lick a wall and find a word to describe the taste.
  74. Make a pet rock and take it everywhere with you for a week (including the bathroom, to bed etc.)
  75. Find someone with a hoodie with their name on (probably a leavers' hoodie or something) and approach them and say 'Oh my gosh! [Insert name here] do you remember me? It feels like it was only yesterday when I last saw you!'.... and see what happens
  76. Become an epic photobomber
  77. Go stair-surfing!
  78. Make a list of awesomely random/ not at all useful things about yourself that you feel the world needs to know about.
  79. Make a list of things youre not very good at, just like Jenna Marbles did. Jenna Marbles- Things I Suck At
  80. Insert the names of five different chart songs into a conversation without the other person realising
  81. Write a note saying 'sorry about the damage to your car' and put it on a random car.
  82. Glue a pound coin to the floor and watch people try to pick it up
  83. Climb a tree
  84. Make your own comic
  85. Look up & learn five new words from the dictionary. Just to get you started, how about 'hamartithia', 'ginglyform' and 'nelipot'... They're all real words i promise!
  86. Make a bucket list
  87. Search your name on
  88. Dye your hair an unusual colour
  89. Dont let a baloon touch the floor!
  90. Play chubby bunnies, film yourself doing so, and see if you have the guts to post the monstrousity online
  91. Listen to a music genre that you wouldn't usually for a whole hour.
  92. Go to Wikipedia, click on the 'random article link' that can be found on the left hand side of the page, and write a song about whatever page comes up. Even if the page doesnt exist.
  93. Give yourself amazing scene kid hair
  94. Watch Big Bang Theory and say (out loud!) 'that's what she said' after everything Sheldon says
  95. Have a flour bomb fight
  96. Broadcast yourself on Youtube
  97. Translate webpages into various dialects using this site. The redneck option is best!
  98. Make a list of things you like about someone. Then give it to that someone & make them very happy.
  99. Write a letter using letters cut out of magazines (ransom note style.... by this im referring to how the letter looks, not its content) and send it to a friend.
  100. Try to melt a cube of cheese in your mouth.
  101. Write a list of 101 ways to Procrastinate!

So, if you're interested in watching someone actually do all of the above mentioned things, watch this space :)


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