Top 10 free and completely awesome Valentine's gifts

Hello, toasters!

It's officially 1 week to go until Valentine's Day!

Now is the time for frantic phone calls, desperately trying to get a table in that Italian place you didn't know was there until you Googled it this morning.

Nowadays it seems like we don't just have to shell out money for a card, posh dinner, and  itchy polyester underwear that came straight from a porno, but we also have to buy gifts for each other too.

This is an issue, as I literally have no money. 

And what little money I do have is instantly zapped by the University via payments for school trips, art supplies and disappointing Hoi Sin wraps.

Therefore, I need to think of some cool budget-friendly stuff that I can do.

Here are my Top 10 free and completely awesome Valentine' gifts

1.  Cook a meal at home. And by 'cook', I do not mean Dominos or microwavable stuff. Keep it classy. However, if you go to Waitrose and find they have something you could believably pass off as your own, go for it... just get rid of the packaging first!

Oh, the struggles of being a modern woman.

2. Send him (or her, I don't judge) a romantic, heartfelt note.

For those of us that don't have time for that crap, I've made a template you may all use...

Dear (insert name here),

Although we have only been together for a week/ a few months/ too long why are you still here, I know my feelings for you are true. 

You make me feel like no-one else can; when I am with you I feel happy/ on top of the world/ constipated.

I remember our first date when you took me to (insert name of crappy 'restaurant' he took you to, which really should have been an early warning sign) and we talked about whatever sport he inevitably talked about all night long.

And when I introduced me to my friends, I knew you were the one because of the way you smiled/ looked at me/ embarrassed me so much I have had to find new friends.

I hope I get to spend my life/ your overdraft with you, thank you for everything/ nothing.

Lots of love/ utter contempt, 

(insert your name or sexist pet name they use for you)

xxx

3. Play a board game together and let them win. Nothing says love like letting a fool win at Monopoly even though their tactics are terrible, and they should know by now that you can never win by relying on a hotel on Old Kent Road.

4. Root through your cupboards and fridge to find something unopened. When they unwrap it and look at you questioningly, get all excited and squeal 'I know that Heinz Baked Beans are your favourite!'

Makes you look thoughtful and concerned that they're getting a nutritional diet.

Boom, you're a keeper.

5. Create a coupon book. Whilst this can genuinely be a really good gift, I'd definitely include things like 'I will give you the remote', and 'I will admit I'm wrong and let you win this argument'.

Just be sure to add short expiry dates in tiny, faint writing just to add a hint of evil.

6. Agree to watch their favourite film, and not comment too often about how Keanu Reeves is exactly the same character in every movie he's in. Sometimes I think he wasn't intentionally an actor, he just accidentally walked onto a set one day and he didn't have the heart to tell them he wasn't 'The Chosen One'.

7. Give them a back massage. And for those of you who don't know how, it's just like trying to rub an inevitable morning toothpaste mark out of your shirt in the morning. Just do that on their shoulder blades with slowly-increasing pressure until it gets so painful they ask you to stop. The plus side to this one is that you will never be asked to give another massage again- aww yiss!

8. Cut out hundreds of heart shapes from plain paper and scatter them around their room. On the hearts, write things that you love about them, or your favourite memories together. However, vent your anger and give them a piece of your mind on a few, just to shake things up a bit.

Note- this one works better for long-term relationships... it'll probably come across as a bit creepy if you've only known them a few weeks and have broken into their room just to litter it with cut out bits of paper.

9. Quote their favourite memes or lyrics throughout the day. Bonus points for inappropriate timings, especially if the lyrics you are quoting are by Sean Paul.

10. Try your absolute hardest not to be an asshole to them for a whole day.

So, there we go, my 10 gift ideas, that really prove how little is free in today's world. 

Disclaimer: Unless your partner is very understanding, the majority of these ideas will probably get you dumped. I will not accept liability for people with broken shoulders because your massage didn't work out.

What are you doing for Valentine's Day? Let me know in the comments :)

Sammie

xoxo

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Westie Dog Speed Painting

Hello, toasters!
I hope you're all having a wonderfully festive Christmas Eve :)
For my Secret Santa present, I decided to paint my Auntie's dog, Jack, for her. She seemed to really love it, so that made me feel all lovely and Christmassy!
I thought I'd make a speed-painting video of it, and share it with you all to help you get through the drunk Uncles, indigestion and brussel sprout farts that you will have to face in the days to come.
Enjoy!

Let me know what you think, and maybe i'll make some more :)
Don't forget to like, comment & subscribe for more.
1 sleep to go until Christmas!
Sammie
xoxo

It's Chriiiiiiistmaaaaaas! (Slade Style)

Hello, toasters!
Only 12 days to go!
Anyone who knows me will probably agree that I'm basically a little kid wrapped in a 19 year olds body. So yes, Christmas is still a huge deal for me.
I mean, when else is it acceptable to wear itchy 'I-think-it's-supposed-to-be-a-snowman' jumpers and to have eaten 3 packs of After Eight's before noon?!



'Tis the season.... to wear funny hats with your mother in selfies

To me, 'Christmas Spirit' is made up of three things:

• Cheesey Christmas songs (XFactor not included)
• Pigs in blankets!
• Buying presents for everyone

Now the first two always get my spirits right up as soon as they come on the scene. Who doesn't love singing along to Slade (did they actually do anything else?) and eating pork sausages wrapped in yet more pork?!

The third is a little more tricky, but definitely the most rewarding.
Honestly, there's nothing more exciting and excruciatingly painful than knowing you've got the best gift ever, and waiting to see what their face looks like when they open it.
But, not having much money, this has always posed as a challenge to me.

One year, I really couldn't stretch to more than £20 for the whole of my present budget.
And I have a big family. As in, more than the Kardashian clan big.
That year everyone received homemade cookies, and called me 'original', but I think they definitely saw through my 15-year-old broke ass.

This year I've had a little more money to spend due to savings from my summer job, so I've been able to splash out a bit.
I visited the Bournemouth Christmas Market the other day, and it was magical.
The Disney Princess inside of me was overjoyed- there were ponies in a pen, carol singers, ice skaters, the whole sha-bang.
Even the little kid who fell over on the ice looked magical as they were in a Santa outfit.
And it was also a great place for finding 'gifty' things that would have taken ages to find on the high street/ internet.
'Authentic' spell book for Tarot-obsessed step mother? Check.
Bright purple candle with interesting Islamic design for Bohemian grandmother? Check.
Minion stuffed toy for overly-consumerist little sister? Check.
I got more people ticked off my list in a shorter amount of time than it takes to decide whether just a hoodie or a full coat is better to face the weather outside. Is it just me, or do I always seem to dress wrong for the weather?!

But one thing I would say about the Christmas Market, is to go with your partner. I tried to go on my own last year, but just felt sad and lonely amongst the sea of couples that looked as if they'd just stepped out of an M&S advert.
But this year, that was me! Because I was holding hands with someone rather than being forever alone, I was the one who has just stepped out of the M&S advert! My hair even had a faint shimmer to it!

I also decorated the tree yesterday, which always gets me feeling Christmassy.
Before we begin, we always choose a radio station that plays all the Christmas classics as a backdrop. However, we couldn't find a station like that yesterday, so we plumped for some religious channel, which was having a 'debate' which was becoming increasingly heated and was, naturally, hilarious.
Now I'm not one for subtlety, so I always put as many lights and baubles on as possible. Because no-one ever died from too many Christmas decorations, did they?
Here's the finished article, which I am very proud of :D
Ta-Daaaaa!

Considering that me and my sister usually get on worse than Snape and Harry, I think we did really well and only had one argument! Which, strangely, was about a piñata rather than anything Christmas related so there you go.

So, toasters, I hope that you are all having a great holiday season and are getting into the Christmas mood!
Don't forget to comment & subscribe (because it's a time for giving, right?)
Fa la la la la, la la la laaaa :)
See you soon!
Sammie xoxo