Hello, toasters!
So yes, I am discussing a topic older than Bruce Forsyth himself, the age-old battle of the sexes.
Now, I may be a little biased in this argument, as I am, in fact, a girl.
Yes, I have boobs that jiggle and I can occasionally push small human beings out of a certain orifice. Not that that's happened to me in particular, but I do enjoy watching and laughing at the rednecks on 16 & Pregnant, so I know roughly how it works.
But I'm not going to write a classic 'we have to go through cramp and childbirth' post just to win by default.
Nope, I'm going to be talking about all those little things that happen every single day, that make a guys life so much easier than a girls.
First up- Guys don't have to shell out money for feminine hygiene products despite the hideous adverts that make you go into a cringe coma for three days solid.
We all know the ones I mean... I don't think I've ever seen one that makes me actually want to buy the product. And the worst thing is, I know that my purchase is going towards their profit, which will be spent on more horrific adverts.
No, please don't make a tampon fly through the sky, that doesn't actually prove anything.
And for crying out loud, don't give it a face and make it sing.
JUST STOP. NOW. ALL OF YOU.
Now I'm not saying that they should change their tune completely and start making Sensodyne-esqe commercials. That would manage to be even worse.
My suggestion is to just stop the adverts completely.
We're going to buy the product anyway. We don't really have a choice.
So why do these companies need to spend loads on advertising where they turn a pad into a flower?
Secondly, men can fart in public and not have to automatically blame it on a squeaky chair.
Girls are just expected to be beautiful, mystical creatures all the time.
But come on, even a unicorn has to let one out at some point, right?
Now I don't know about you, but I didn't sign up for this debutante stuff. I don't particularly care which hand I hold my knife and fork in, or if my posture is bolt upright at all times.
Do you know how painful it is to hold in a fart?!
It kills!
But I'd definitely say I've mastered the art. I've been with Dan 8 months now and I've only ever let one out about 3 or 4 times. I'm pretty proud of that.
(Apparently you fart loads in your sleep, but I can't say about that)
When I was younger, I used to think that farting was brilliant. We'd used to have competitions and everything.
Where did that go? I miss sitting in a bath with your friend and making it a Jacuzzi.
Number three- men's clothing is far better suited to rolling-out-of-bed-and-heading-out days. Which I have often.
On the whole, I think women's clothing is far more interesting than mens.
Everything is less blocky, and more fluid.
But for dressing down, you cannot argue that guys have it easier.
Bra's are fiddly, tights have a tendency to shred to pieces as soon as you touch them, and don't even get me started on accessories.
They can just throw on some trousers, a top, and a hoodie, and it nearly always matches.
(There are exceptions, of course)
They also don't have to bother with hair and make up like we do... they're allowed to have a 'natural, rugged look'.
If I had a natural, rugged look, people would start offering me their change as I walked down the street.
Last, but not least- when it comes to romantic language, men are far easier to interpret.
I mean, come on, guys can do the extremely-old yet extremely-effective 'Gentleman' routine.
Namely- be polite, compliment us, and don't be a tool.
It really is that simple!
And this courtship technique has been around for years, meaning guys have had decades to get familiar with it.
With girls, we can't use the same flirting techniques our ancestors had.
Oh, excuse me whilst I drop my handkerchief daintily and cheekily flash my ankles.
We have to find new, innovative ways of communicating our interest, and most of them don't even work.
I mean, there's a reason why the stereotypical girl is hard to understand.
Maybe I need to stock up on handkerchiefs after all...
So those are some things that I believe make a guy's day a little easier than mine.
Of course, there is a flip side to this....
- We're not expected to be good drivers- in fact, it's the opposite
- We can chat to small children and be 'caring', where most guys in the same situation would look somewhat in need of psychoanalysing
- We don't have to pay on the first date (it goes downhill from there though...)
- We can follow fashion without having our motives questioned
- On girls... bunny slippers are always appropriate
I know there's probably a huuuuuge amount of feminist writings on this subject, but I thought I'd offer up my own humble opinion.
See you soon,
Sammie
xoxo
