Sunday, August 11, 2013

10 things you should never say to a pregnant woman...

Hello, toasters!
It seems babies are everywhere lately, especially with the arrival of the Royal baby and the news that Simon Cowell is soon to be a father.

Aside from the classic asking 'when's it due?' to a non-pregnant woman, negotiating a conversation with an actually pregnant lady can be a nightmare.
I don't know whether this is just me, or if other people are as socially awkward as I am, but if you are the kind of person that accidentally (and mortifyingly) calls a teacher either 'mum' or 'dad', then listen up.
Here are 10 things that if said to a pregnant woman, will definitely result in you having to pack up and move to Timbuktu out of humiliation.

  1. Have you watched Kill Bill recently?
  2. What will you do if it's black? (Most effective-if that is the right word- on a white couple)
  3. Are you sure there's not 2 or 3 in there? You are fat with a capital PH.
  4. It's a shame Shane is the father, especially with those genetics.
  5. Didn't Jessica Simpson lose 25lb of her pregnancy weight in just 5 weeks?
  6. Apparently the hormones are meant to change you, but I've honestly always found you this disagreeable.
  7. I had the best nights sleep last night.
  8. I think I speak for everyone when I say that the ultrasound scan picture that's set as your profile picture is not your most flattering look.
  9. Did you know that there are now over 2 million single parent families in Britain alone?
  10. I think your pregnancy glow just makes you look reeeally sweaty.
I genuinely said number 10 to a family friend while she was expecting a few years ago, and I have been buying her the best Christmas presents ever since, out of guilt.

My next post will be up on Tuesday evening, so watch this space!
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Until next time!

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