What being Homealone means...

Hello, toasters!
So, the other day, I found myself being homealone.
And somewhere between having a staring competition with the dog and sleeping in a random place (on top of the kitchen table), I decided to make a video exploring the odd things we do in a homealone situation.
Now whether its having more naps than an old person, or allowing yourself to fart loud and proud, we all act differently when alone. Admit it!
....actually, on a side note, I take the former back. I'm a student, who am I kidding? I have more naps in a day than Madonna has adopted children.
So without further ado, here is my 'What Being Homealone Means' video.
Enjoy!

Music by Dan-O at http://danosongs.com

What do you guys do when you're homealone then? Let me know :)
And if you really love me, subscribe using any of the options in the right-hand sidebar
Sammie
xoxo

Five top places to procrastinate on the Internet

Hello, toasters!
As some of you may know, I am the Queen of Procrastination.
(I have even been known to buy new underwear just to put off doing the laundry for an extra day or two- something I am definitely not proud of)
So today I have compiled a list of my favourite places to go on the Internet when I feel like putting off that assignment that really should be getting some attention.
As it happens, I do have a summer project that I need to start, but this list has provided me with a necessary distraction/ excuse/ I'm just lazy.
So without further ado, here are my top five places to procrastinate on the Internet.

1.Tickld.com

Forget memebase. Seriously, this site is the best.
The reason it works so well as a meme site is because there's a proper sense of community, making all the other sites seem dull and emotionless.
Another great thing is the fact that you don't even have to sign up to get to feel like a member of this bizarre, yet tightly knit online world.

Click here to go to tickld.com

2.Points in Case- the fine print of college life

 

This site has a whole range of guest bloggers who write columns. Originally they were all at college, having very real college experiences. Nowadays, there's more of a diversity of writers, mainly because some of the most loved writers have finished schooling, but have been begged to stay by the readers.

One thing is the same as ever though- how hilarious the content is. Mostly sarcastic, this site is best for those of you who enjoy observational comedy and blogging.

 

Click here for my favourite article on P.i.C. 'The Five Types of Morning Coffee Crazies'

 

 

3. Danisnotonfire's YouTube Channel

 

 

 

If, like me, you used to avidly watch Charlieissocoollike, and are now a teeny bit disappointed because he's become so serious, I suggest Danisnotonfire.

I'm not sure if its because of his epic tee-shirts, or the fact he seems to be a complete hermit, but he is a YouTube sensation for a reason.

I'd personally recommend the 'Men vs. Women', 'Ironic Appreciation', and 'List of reasons why I'm an awful human being' videos.

 

To go to Danisnotonfire's YouTube Channel, click here

 

 

4. Engrish.com

 

 

 

I'm not sure if this website counts as racism, but it's damned funny.

Essentially, people submit pictures of signs/ menus/ products or anything they find with a funny spelling mistake or altered meaning as they go about their travels in the world.

Not quite as addictive as sites like Tickld, but definitely good for spending 5 or 10 minutes on.

 

Click here to visit www.engrish.com

 

 

5. Play the Slender Man Game

 

 

So while this game may lack the incredible graphics of modern PS3 and Xbox games, it's still genuinely creepy.
Perhaps not when you're playing it, but especially at night when you're walking around a cold, darkened house.
The object of the game? Find all of the pages scattered around the woods. Simple.
The catch? This creepy motherfucker.
Look at him too long and he'll get you.
Don't run when he's close and he'll get you while your screen turns to static.
I recently played this at a house party one night, and maybe it was the alcohol, but I think I am mentally scarred for life.
(I am a chicken. But it's still creepy)

To download this game, google search 'download slender' and choose one that suits your operating system. But to all the cowards out there, don't say I didn't warn you!

So there we have it- some of my favourite ways to waste time on the internet instead of doing actual things.
If you can think of other interesting places in this digital world we call home, let me know in the comments!

My next post should be up in 2 or 3 days, but to get a direct notification, subscribe to Sammie on Toast using one of the options in the right-hand sidebar!

Happy Camping,
Sammie
xoxo

The Wheelchair Chronicles

The important thing to remember when visiting an old people's day centre is that they are all batshit crazy.
For a start, the office politics are ridiculously complicated. To the untrained eye, you'd think that they all hate each other fiercely.
Well why wouldn't you? After all, they spend half of the time arguing and the other half calling this person or that person a 'bigoted old cow' behind their back to anyone that will listen.
It seems that pensioners are only the gentle mannered, cupcake wielding cheek pinchers when alone, or in small groups.
Put them in a herd of 10 or more, and you have a disaster on your hands. Gone is the chitchat about the latest Radio 4 programme... be prepared for the accusatory remarks and snide comments flying about all over the place!
All of this on top of the never-ending questions about what you're up to at school this week (even if it is the middle of the summer holidays and you graduated years ago)
However brutal, these public showdowns are in fact the social bonding rituals of the O.A.P.
My advice is to not interfere if possible, and to steer conversation back to one of the following subjects- the 'good ol' days', the war or what's for lunch- when the atmosphere gets a little frosty.
Oh, and identifying an emergency escape excuse is vital.
So as I found myself being dragged along to my grandparent's day club (with perilously low phone battery remaining) I tried to mentally push out all preconceptions that old people are sweet and lovely creatures. Instead I focused on the fact that they are more like characters straight out of RED (think Bruce Willis)
The beginning of the day went okay, mainly as you'd expect. I got asked so many times what I was doing in arithmetic, and if I was an ice skater (for some reason) but aside from wanting to make a F.A.Q's list to hand around, I retained my sanity.
Lunch was alright too. Typically old-person-y (namely, everything was very soft and lukewarm) but was satisfying enough.
It was after lunch that I seriously questioned whether I had accidentally wandered into a mental institution.
I was just casually marking about 50 quiz papers (I landed this job because I was the only one young enough to read the 'tiny' size 12 font) when they started singing.
Seriously, singing. With songsheets and everything
And oh my word they were terrible. The old dear who was leading the wailing oldies even had dementia, so we got to hear what I believe was Auld Lang Syne three times. Hooray!
So when faced with a situation such as this, I did what anybody would do- I deployed my emergency escape excuse and ran for the hills.
Well, I say hills, I mean that I ran to the local post office under the pretence of needing to post a letter, but ended up spending a lengthy amount of time individually inspecting each of the shops wares.
I don't really have a deep underlying moral to this story, but I suppose the overall message is this:
Beware the old people
They are not what they seem

Good luck,
Sammie
xoxo

Challenge no. 79- Make a list of things you're not very good at

Hey there, Internet!
Today has been the typical day of a student on their summer holiday- primarily fuelled by laziness and trips to the sweets cupboard.
And aside from the majestic llama pinata looking out for me (look out for its' special guest appearance in the video) I've basically been left alone today.
*sad times*
However, I have learnt a few interesting things today

• 1 in 50 Americans executed for murder have the middle name 'Wayne'... (sounds like that's another name for Kate Hopkins to add to her list. If you don't know who I'm talking about, take a minute to watch this video)
• Margaret Thatcher is partially responsible for the invention of Mr Whippy ice cream
• Cow's have different accents when they moo depending on where they come from
• My mum won't buy Ben & Jerry's ice cream when its £3 a tub, but if you say that it's on a 2-for-£6 offer she won't hesitate.... what?!

I have also completed another challenge from my list of 101 Ways to Procrastinate!
So without further ado, here is my vlog post where I talk about Things I Suck At... sorry it turns into a mini book review half way through, but I guess staying on topic is something I'm also bad at!

 

I hope you guys like it :)
Please feel free to leave a comment, I love hearing from you guys!
Sammie
xoxo

P.S.
I've been working on my Youtube channel- Banner design, Thumbnail design etc. Please subscribe, and if you have any feedback, that's awesome!
Byeee

101 Ways to Procrastinate

Upon first glance, you would think that the list below is merely a list.
Oh no, how wrong you are.
You see, it is much, much more than a list. It's a challenge, and a battle plan.
And, if were being pedantic, yes, it is still technically just a list but let's move on...

I, Sammie Lovatt, propose to do all of these with photographic evidence within a year. I understand that I am not allowed to explain to confused members of the public what I am doing, no matter how awkward the situation, or I am to re-start the entrie list.

So, that's my plan of action :) i'll be posting my progress up on here..... should keep me from doing actual work for a little while...

So, without further ado, here is my definitive list of 100 Ways to Procrastinate!

1.  Turn on the internet. Obviously.
2.  Organise your lingerie draw.
3.  Run a bath, sit in the shower end, and run the shower so that it 'rains' on you.
4.  Run a bath and organise a rubber duck war.
5.  Run a bath and become a raisin.
6.  See how long you can watch Mudkip 10 hours for- my record is a whole hour which I completed with 2 of my housemates. I am weirdly proud of that feat.
7. Build a card house, but use custard cream biscuits instead- it can be done!
8. Make bath jelly (with extra sparkles!)
9. Watch a million episodes of Ace of Cakes, attempt to make an amazing cake and fail miserably.
10. Download The Croods game and get addictive- we've already lost Beth.
11. Spend an entire day as a white middle class male who thinks he's an african american rapper... you know the ones i mean.... they usually wear baggy white tee shirts and say 'blud' a lot.
12. Organise a scavenger hunt.
13. Print out pictures of Nicholas Cage and hide them around the house.
14. Make a doll of yourself and friends! Proceed to then either make them outfits and play nicely or stick pins in them. I'd say the former option is more thoughtful...
15. Tie dye tee-shirts! In fact, tie-dye EVERYTHING!
16. Familiarise yourself with the very heart of the internet- cute kitten videos.
17. Learn a Disney Song in French.
18. Apply makeup to transform yourself into the opposite gender.
19. Watch an entire series in a day.
20. Actually stop and chat to the guys that try to sign you up to Netflix at the shopping centre.
21. Draw a moustache on your finger, hold it up to your face and say everything in a French accent.
22. Make a fort in the living room... you can never get too old for this.
23. Pretend that the floor is lava, so you need to stay off the ground. (You could combine this one with #22)
24. Recreate famous paintings in photographs with yourself as the subject.
25. Draw faces on each fingertip and act out a puppet show.
26. Come up with a new Yo Momma joke.
27. Watch that film you've never really felt inspired to watch even though you know you'll like it.
28. Fill a vodka bottle with water and walk down the street drinking it.
29. If you're feeling hardcore, do the previous but walking around Mothercare.
30. Play Drunk Monopoly.
31. Find a way to make custard creams better, so that they don't fall apart so easily!
32. Take a friend (or, if you're lucky to have more than one friend, take more) and go get some silly photobooth pictures taken.
33. Feed a hobo.
34. Buy a Big Issue for once.
35. Play 'Bogies' in a public library.
36. Actually eat the side salad next to the burger!
37. Take a photo with a stranger with a beard.
38. Go gay clubbing and have a fabulous time, darling.
39. Buy googly eyes and stick them on household objects.
40. Name said household objects.
41. Do the milk thing in the supermarket and feel like a bad person.
42. Be a ninja and try not to be seen in a public place.
43. Walk around with your own 'theme song' blasting out.
44. Make a list of 101 ways to procrastinate that aren't really possible- ie. Find Atlantis.
45. Do someone else's work.
46. Subtly move/ alter someone's furniture over a period of a few weeks.
47. Snail races!!
48. Make friendship bracelets
49. Find a pet shop and spend a day making friends with one of the animals.
50. Make a scrapbook of memories.
51. Make one amazing meal for at least four people, completely from scratch.
52. Make a pie chart out of actual pie. Then eat it.
53. Be a pen pal to a lonely pensioner.
54. Narrate everything for a whole day.
55. Cast a friendship spell.
56. Play & watch Yu-Gi-Oh! and get obsessed.
57. Have a BBQ on the beach.
58. Stay awake for 24 hours & see how many things from this list you can achieve.
59. Keep a tamagotchi alive for more than 3 days.
60. Try a craaazy new hairstyle, or wear a wig (that shit cray)
61. Make a Sims family of evil people in the world (Hitler, Keith Lemon etc.) and kill them in creative ways.
62. Photoshop- swap your friends' faces in various photographs.
63. Subscribe to Sammie on Toast! (and i'll love you forever)
64. Compare chocolate bars. And I mean go the whole hog and make a spreadsheet and everything
65. Visit an aquarium
66. Have a picnic in a really unusual place.
67. Complete the Bloons Tower Defence game on difficult
68. Make a Sims family, have a baby and play long enough to watch it grow old and die with no breaks
69. Make smores
70. Hug random pieces of furniture in a public place and see how long it takes for anyone to notice.
71. Pick up random objects with your elbows
72. Draw a self portrait by putting the pen between your teeth, and put the result as your facebook profile picture without explaining.
73. Lick a wall and find a word to describe the taste.
74. Make a pet rock and take it everywhere with you for a week (including the bathroom, to bed etc.)
75. Find someone with a hoodie with their name on (probably a leavers' hoodie or something) and approach them and say 'Oh my gosh! [Insert name here] do you remember me? It feels like it was only yesterday when I last saw you!'.... and see what happens
76. Become an epic photobomber
77. Go stair-surfing!
78. Make a list of awesomely random/ not at all useful things about yourself that you feel the world needs to know about.
79. Make a list of things youre not very good at, just like Jenna Marbles did. Jenna Marbles- Things I Suck At
80. Insert the names of five different chart songs into a conversation without the other person realising
81. Write a note saying 'sorry about the damage to your car' and put it on a random car.
82. Glue a pound coin to the floor and watch people try to pick it up
83. Climb a tree
84. Make your own comic
85. Look up & learn five new words from the dictionary. Just to get you started, how about 'hamartithia', 'ginglyform' and 'nelipot'... They're all real words i promise!
86. Make a bucket list
87. Search your name on urbandictionary.com
88. Dye your hair an unusual colour
89. Dont let a baloon touch the floor!
90. Play chubby bunnies, film yourself doing so, and see if you have the guts to post the monstrousity online
91. Listen to a music genre that you wouldn't usually for a whole hour.
92. Go to Wikipedia, click on the 'random article link' that can be found on the left hand side of the page, and write a song about whatever page comes up. Even if the page doesnt exist.
93. Give yourself amazing scene kid hair
94. Watch Big Bang Theory and say (out loud!) 'that's what she said' after everything Sheldon says
95. Have a flour bomb fight
96. Broadcast yourself on Youtube
97. Translate webpages into various dialects using this site. The redneck option is best!
98. Make a list of things you like about someone. Then give it to that someone & make them very happy.
99. Write a letter using letters cut out of magazines (ransom note style.... by this im referring to how the letter looks, not its content) and send it to a friend.
100. Try to melt a cube of cheese in your mouth.
101. Write a list of 101 ways to Procrastinate!

So, if you're interested in watching someone actually do all of the above mentioned things, watch this space :)

Sammie
xoxo